Geoffrey's List of Interesting Quotes
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- An SQL query walks into a bar and sees two tables. He walks up to
them and says "Can I join you?"
- ``All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that
the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if
you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all
means, do not use a hammer.'' -- IBM maintenance manual (1925)
- ``PHP is a minor evil perpetrated and created by incompetent
amateurs, whereas Perl is a great and insidious evil perpetrated by
skilled but perverted professionals.'' -- Jon Ribbens
- ``The purpose of Compulsory Education is to deprive the common
people of their commonsense.'' -- Gilbert K. Chesterton
- ``School's goal is to prepare them to be anything they want. But
the process is so dullifying and kids haven't explored the
possibilities of what they could be that many set their sites as low
as possible. They go to college to get a job to buy stuff.''
-- Joyce Fetteroll
- ``War is terrorism with a bigger budget''
-- sign at the SF peace rally, 1/18/2003
- ``Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired,
signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not
fed, those who are cold and are not clothed.''
-- Dwight D. Eisenhower
- ``I will always remember the day Rene Decartes died. We had just
finished a wonderful meal and were sitting around plotting our next
move over coffee. The waitress came up and asked, `More Coffee?'
Decartes replied, `I think not.' And just disappeared right before my
- ``I invented <Ctrl><Alt><Delete>, but Bill Gates
made it famous.''
-- David Bradley, member of the original IBM PC design team
- ``The Exchange Server has been down all week, but at least it's
- ``I'm not trying to give users what they want, I'm trying to give
them freedom, which they can then accept or reject. If people don't
want freedom, they may be out of luck with me, but I won't allow them
to define for me what is right, what is worth spending my life for.''
-- Richard Stallman
- ``... Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in
terror, and you would not have been informed.''
- ``An unforseen issue has arisen with your computer. Don't worry
your silly little head about what has gone wrong; here's a pretty
animation of a paperclip to look at instead.'' -- Windows2007 error
- ``Signals don't kill programs. Programs kill programs.''
- ``Everything that I've learned about computers at MIT I have
boiled down into three principles:
Unix: You think it won't work, but if you find the right wizard, he
can make it work.
Macintosh: You think it will work, but it won't.
PC/Windows: You think it won't work, and it won't.''
-- Philip Greenspun
- ``It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's,
not its, if you mean it
is. If you don't, it's its. Then too,
it's hers. It isn't her's. It
isn't our's either. It's ours, and
likewise yours and theirs.''
-- Oxford University Press, Edpress News
- ``When the passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your
passage, tootle him with vigour'' -- On the driver instructions in a
Japanese rental car.
- ``Microsoft - Is it going to work today?''
- ``We don't KNOW that smoking is making these people sick ... it
could be air pollution ...'' -- Head of the R.J.Reynolds Health
- Smoking areas in restaurants are like peeing areas in swimming
- ``Unix is simple. It just takes a genius to understand its
simplicity.'' -- Dennis Ritchie, Unix co-creator
- ``I entered the office and tossed my hat at the coat rack. It
missed, hit the heater, and instantly burst into flames. That reminded
me: I had some work to do in Windows.'' -- Lincoln Spector "The
- ``I hated the operating system; it was a complete and utter
kludge, and the whole bloody design was just a mess. I wouldn't go
anywhere near it.'' -- Sir Clive Sinclair on the IBM PC, ``Wired''
- Science is the game we play with God to find out what His rules
- Re. graphics: A picture is worth 10K words -- but only those to
describe the picture. Hardly any sets of 10K words can be adequately
described with pictures.
- ``The Internet, of course, is more than just a place to find
pictures of people having sex with dogs.'' -- Time Magazine, 3 July
- ``It is seldom that liberty of any kind is lost all at once.'' --
- ``Applying computer technology to a problem is simply a matter of
finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.''
- ``If you get bitten by a bug, tough luck...the one thing I won't
do is feel sorry for you. In fact, I might ask you to do it all over
again, just to get more information. I'm a heartless bastard.'' --
Linus Torvalds (on development kernels)
- ``Windows 95: from the guys who brought you EDLIN''
- The Lesser-Known Programming Languages #12: LITHP
This otherwise unremarkable language is distinguished by the absence
of an "S" in its character set; users must substitute "TH". LITHP is
said to be useful in protheththing lithtth.
- ``Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly
it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels
come.'' -- Matt Groening
- ``Oooh, YAH! I'm so good I constantly amaze myself. And modest,
too.'' -- Linus Torvalds
- ``Have you considered a life? I hear they're quite affordable
these days.'' -- email@example.com
- ``And then I realized that it never should have worked in the
first place. Thus, it would not work again until rewritten.'' --
- 43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
- ``You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding
on.'' -- Dean Martin
- ``Time is just one damn thing after another'' -- PBS/Nova
- ``Never put off until tomorrow that which can be done the day
after tomorrow'' -- Mark Twain
- ``Prizes are for children.'' -- Charles Ives, upon being given,
but refusing, the Pulitzer prize
- Dyslexics of the world, UNTIE!
- ``The other day I put instant coffee in my microwave oven ... I
almost went back in time.'' -- Steven Wright
- ``We can't be so fixated on our desire to preserve the rights of
ordinary Americans ...'' -- Bill Clinton (USA TODAY, 11 March 1993,
- No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature
is in session.
- ``Anatomy (n): something everyone has, but which looks better on a
girl.'' -- Bruce Raeburn.
- ``Cleavage (n): something you can approve of and look down on at
the same time.'' -- W. Garnett.
- Erotic (adj): using a feather as a sex aid.
Kinky (adj): using the whole duck.
- ``Bill Gates, brilliant? Really? Uh-huh [Ellison laughs for
several seconds].'' -- Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, interviewed in Forbes
- ``Get your MCSE today: Minesweeper Consultant and Solitaire
- Bagpipes (n): an octopus wearing a kilt.
- Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking...
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- ``We have analysed over two million images downloaded from eBay
but have not been able to find a single hidden message'' -- Niels
Provos and Peter Honeyman, authors of ``Detecting Steganographic
Content on the Internet''